Them

It's been quite a long run for me. I've been running and running as if I'm being chased by someone. I've been running, not knowing where direction I head to... All I know is that I needed to be somewhere... somewhere I would feel secured and loved. I needed to run away from all of them... the ones who hurt me... the ones who broke my heart... the ones who did these to me... Why did you ever have to come in my life? I thought you'll gonna make me feel better and make me feel loved... but what did you do? All of you just crushed my heart and now, it's all bruised... I don't understand why every time I turn my back from all of you and I started to make my way through my life alone, I'll just see you at the crossroad... then you'll bother about me again and here goes the history repeating itself... I'm already tired of running... Sometimes I just want to disappear and be born again with a different name, with a different identity, with a different me... I dunno if I'm gonna last like this forever... I'm growing tired of trying and trying.... of loving and hurting.... I just want to be numb from all the pain you've all caused me.... I just want to be happy but that happiness seems to be of out my reach yet... It's even far beyond my imagination... If you are one of them, do you know what I am talking about? Do you feel the pain you've inflicted on me? Do you know how much it affects me? Do you realize what you've done? Are you really that insensitive? I dunno if ever you're gonna read all of these but I hope someday you'll realize my true worth in your lives and how much you've really lost when all of you left me behind...

The last time

It's been a week already when I made that difficult decision... I am letting go of him. It's better this way, I thought. It gave me immense pain as I've expected. I tried forgetting him and find it hard to survive each day as I lessen my communications with him. I cried each night and I wanted to be in his arms even if he's somewhere far... I love him but I've got no place in his life now. I wanted both of us to be happy but I just can't go on with our setup

When was the last time we were together? I think it's two months ago... and I miss him that badly. If I had just known that it would be last time I would be with him... I would have hugged him much tighter... I would have kissed him longer... I would have savored every minute that I've been with him the last time...

Am I regretting? Yes, I am. I'm hurting so much. My heart's been bruised but doesn't he even know? I don't think so... I am just a someone in his life and I am nothing for him... As much as I want to think that he loves me too, I can't accept the fact that I just waited for nothing. All these months, I waited for the day that I would be happy with him but now, that happiness is lost already. It already ended and I was the one who ended it for good...I just wish that he's fine out there and he's happy.

Hey, please don't worry about me, I am fine... Go on with your life without me... Take care of yourself and be happy. That's all you can do for me now. I love you, goodbye...

The leaf, the tree and the wind

One busy day, I've got this text message which really caught my attention. It says:

Who should be blamed when a leaf fell from a tree? Is it the wind that blew it away? or the tree that let it go? or is it the leaf who grew tired of holding on?

You cannot blame the wind for blowing... and the leaf tried its best to hold on despite the wind is blowing it hard... I think the tree is the one responsible for the falling leaf. Why? If that tree has given enough nutrients to the leaf, the leaf will be much stronger and it will be able to survive the wind even the wild storm... If that tree has been strong enough to support the leaf, the leaf has not fallen... and the leaf might have been holding on to the tree until now...

It's funny how this simple text message can relate to what's happening in my life now. Sometimes, love just aint enough... No matter how much you try stay in the relationship, with your partner... if your partner won't help you to work it out, it's useless. You would just find yourself starting to let go of him... The pain is too much that no matter how much you want to still hold on, the wind is blowing too hard and you're falling apart... and that tree won't do anything to support and help you... then you would prefer to let go of him even if you love him too much because the pain hurts like hell...

All this time

All this time
I know some day you'll need to find
Something that you left behind
Something I can't give you
All these tears
And like a light love disappears
But hearts are good for souvenirs
And memories are forever
All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
The heart forgives the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

One more kiss
Even though it's come to this
I'll close my eyes and make a wish
Hoping you'll remember

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

Say goodbye
Apart we'll make another try
But don't be sorry if you cry
I'll be crying too
On this day

All this time

All this time
All in all I've no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
And the heart forgives, the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time
What will I do now with all this time

Starting over again

And, when I hold you in my arms I promise you
You're gonna feel a love that's beautiful and new
This time I'll love you even better
Than I ever did before
And you'll be in my heart forever more

We, we're just too young to know
We fell in love and let it go
So easy to say the words goodbye
So hard to let the feeling die

I know how much I need you now
The time is turning back somehow
As soon as our hearts and souls unite
I know for sure we'll get the feeling right

CHORUS
And now we're starting over again
It's not the easiest thing to do
I'm feeling inside again
"Cause everytime I look at you
I know we're starting over again
This time we'll love all the pain away
Welcome home my lover and friend
We are starting over, over again

If we never lived alone
Then we might have never known
All of the time we spent apart
All we did was break each other's hearts

MUSIC TURNAROUND

And when I hold you in my arms I promise you
You're gonna feel a love that's beautiful and new
This time I'll love you even better
Than I ever did before
And you'll be in my heart forevermore

REPEAT CHORUS

And now we're starting over again
This time we'll chase all the rain away
Welcome home my lover and friend
We are starting over, over again
We are starting over, over again

Even if

Even if the sun refused to shine
Even if we lived in different times
Even if the ocean left the sea
There would still be you and me

Ever since the start of time
You've had my love (oh yeah)
Even before i knew your name
I knew your heart (oh girl)
In the dark of the darkest night
I can see your face (oh yeah)
I always knew from the very start
I would find a way

Chorus:
Even if the sun refused to shine
Even if we lived in different times
Even if the ocean left the sea
There would still be you and me
Even if the world will disappear
Even if the clouds will shed no tears
Even if tonight was just a dream
There would still be you and me

You've always been and you're always will be
The only one (oh yeah)
Until forever the only girl (until forever)
I'll never lie (ohh..)
In the cold of a winter's chill
I'll be here to live a part
Oh girl, giving all you need for all time
No matter what

Chorus:

Two hearts that belong together
From the very start
One love, now and forever
Nothing can tear us apart

Chorus 2x

Parting Time

I remember the days
When you're here with me
Those laughter and tears
We shared for years
Mem'ries that we had
For so long it's me and you
Now you're gone away
You left me all alone

Go on, do what you want
But please don't leave me
You'll break my heart
Hey, what should I do
Babe, I'm missin' you
Please don't disappear
These are the words that you should hear
Time and time again
I wish that you were here

I don't wanna lose you girl
I need you back to me
I don't wanna lose you
Baby can't you see
Oh, I need you
You've been a part of me

I wish someday you'll be back home
'Cause I really miss you
Darling, please come home

I wish someday you'll be back home
'Cause I really miss you
Darling, please come home

I am a Cactus

I remember someone special told me that managing love relationships is like taking care of plants... If you take care of the plants very well, they would grow healthy, bloom with flowers and later on, bear fruits. Just like in love relationships, if you give much love, care and attention to your partner, the bond between both of you will be stronger, helping you grow into better individuals. How ironic that he has been able to compare plants to relationships but what the hell is he treating me like this now...

If I am a plant and he will be taking care of me, I will prefer to be a cactus. Why? It's very simple. Cactus plants do not require much care and attention. They have sufficient supply of water for themselves and they can live alone in the desert despite of the very hot climate. I wanna be a cactus when he treats me like this... It's as if I don't exist... At least, I can still care for him even if he does not care for me anymore...

I care

Lying in my bed I find it hard to sleep tonight
Wondering if you're thinking of me too
Though I try to close my eyes I'm filled with thoughts of you
Even in my dreams there's none but you

*Let me say it one more time
The words are deep inside
This heart of mine has something to reveal
That you're always in my pray'r
And this time to you I swear
There's nothing I won't do for you
I care

Friends they say that I might fall in love deeply with you
Would you care if what they say is true
Never been like this before and never had a clue
If this is love, I'm sure it's something new

Oh how I wish you feel the same for me
Baby when you look at me
That's how you seem to be

Lips of an Angel

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

After all

Well, here we are again;
I guess it must be fate.
Weve tried it on our own,
But deep inside weve known
Wed be back to set things straight.

I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new.
Every memory repeats,
Every step I take retreats,
Every journey always brings me back to you.

(chorus)
After all the stops and starts,
We keep coming back to these two hearts,
Two angels whove been rescued from the fall.
After all that weve been through,
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess its meant to be,
Forever you and me, after all.

When love is truly right
(this time its truly right.)
It lives from year to year.
It changes as it goes,
Oh, and on the way it grows,
But it never disappears,

Chorus

Always just beyond my touch,
You know I needed you so much.
After all, what else is livin for?

Chorus-repeat

Closer

Closer

closer

closer

closer

Turn the lights off in this place
And she shines just like a star
And I swear I know her face
I just don`t know who you are
Turn the music up in here
I still hear her loud and clear
Like she`s right there in my ear
Telling me
that she wants to own me
To control me
Come closer
Come closer

And I just can`t pull myself away
Under Her Spell I can't break
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop

And I just can`t break myself no way
But I don`t want to escape
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop


I can feel her on my skin
I can taste her on my tongue
Shes the sweetest taste of sin
The more I get the more I want
She wants to own me.....
Come closer
She says "come closer"


And I just can`t pull myself away
Under Her Spell I can't break
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
And I just can`t break myself no way
But I don`t want to escape
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop

(Come closer)
(Come closer)
(Come closer)
(Come closer)
(Come closer)
(Come closer)
(Come closer)

I just can`t stop nooooo
I just can`t stop nooooo
I just can`t stop nooooo
I just can`t stop nooooo


And I just can`t pull myself away
Under Her Spell I can't break
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop

And I just can`t break myself no way
But I don`t want to escape
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop
I just can`t stop

And I just can`t pull myself away
Under Her Spell I can't break
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop
I just cant stop

The Pearl

An excerpt from Moments (Reflections, Experiences, Stories, Thoughts)
by Fr. Jerry Orbos, SVD

Do you know how a pearl is formed?

A story I often borrow for weddings is the story of the pearl. The pearl is formed by a clam, two halves joined together as one. In the life of the clam, a grain of sand could come in, causing much pain and discomfort. But the clam does not give up nor split up. Instead, it envelopes that painful, irritating grain of sand with much patience, love and perseverance, till after some time, the very same painful, irritating grain of sand has become a precious pearl...

Go on, girl

[Verse 1]
I can't get it back,
But I don't want it back,
I realize that,
She don't know how to act,
Never been a dumb dude no I'm not dense,
I just had a slight lack of common sense,
I was the good guy, she was the bad girl,
I'm thinkin one girl, she's thinkin me earl, james, and jimmy
Yea she had plenty,
But love for me she didn't have any,

[Pre-Chorus]
I was inviting her into my heart,
She was out riding in some other man's car,
She was my nighttime, thought I was her star,
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong,
Won't take long for me to move on,

[Chorus]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine,
(please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time,
(only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say,
That I'll be okay,
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl

[Verse 2]
I can't get it back,
But I don't want it back,
I realize that,
She don't know how to act,
Try to settle down and look what I get,
Thought it was my time but I guess not yet,
She's at the bar, gettin drinks from many men,
I'm at the house, thinkin she's with her girlfriends,
Just not knowin, truly not knowin,
I look back now like man I was open,

[Pre-Chorus]
I was inviting her into my heart,
She was out riding in some other man's car,
She was my nighttime, thought I was her star,
Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong,
Won't take long for me to move on,

[Chorus]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine,
(please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time,
(only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say,
That I'll be okay,
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl

[Verse 3]
The mistake I made is clear,
We never should've been together,
That's the reason you're not here,
I know that I can do much better,
Not a single salty tear,
Not a feeling in my chest,
Baby I'm feelin no stress,
I'm too fly to be depressed,

Go on girl (go on girl) go on girl
Go on girl (go on girl) go on girl

[Chorus]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine,
(please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time,
(only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say,
That I'll be okay,
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl

[Chorus]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine,
(please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time,
(only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say,
That I'll be okay,
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl (go on girl)
Go on girl
Go on girl go on girl go on girl
I'll be fine

Just like a pill

I'm lying here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch...
I can't stay on your morphine, 'coz its making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch...
I can't stay on your morphine, 'coz its making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch...
I can't stay on your morphine, 'coz its making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

Centre of my Life

Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole
With my eyes on you
Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me,
Holding onto You

Freedom comes
When I call You Lord
You are Lord my God

You are the centre of it all,
The universe declares in awe
Your majesty
I surrender all
I make you
The centre of my life
Lord, I respond with all I am
you placed in me the song
Of heavens melody
Your Majesty
I live to sing Your song

I have found Your peace
It replaces any fear
You have done it all
I can trust in you
So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding onto you

This is your song not mine
It is your song that bring healing to this land
This is your song not mine
It is your song that brings freedom
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
You are Lord, my God
You are the song
You are the majesty
I live to sing your song
Your majesty
I live to sing Your song

Power of Your Love

Lord I come to You
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I’ve found in You
Lord I’ve come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love

~ chorus ~
Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I’ll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes
Let me see You face to face
The knowledge of Your love
As You live in me
Lord renew my mind
As Your will unfolds in my life
In living every day
By the power of Your love

(repeat chorus twice)

And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love
(repeat)

Five Love Languages

Here are the five love languages accdg. to Dr. Gary Chapman:

Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

Quality Time

Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Receiving Gifts

Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service

Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch

Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.

I have assessed myself and it turns out that my primary love language is quality time and my secondary love language is physical touch. What love language are you? ^_~ Assess yourself now thru this link.